Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
