saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
