Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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