the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
