i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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