Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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