Is it because I queefed?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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