Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
