I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
