Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
