before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
