he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Oh god it's open bar.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
