Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
