i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
