but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
