The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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