If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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