I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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