there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
someone owes me an orgasm
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
