bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
