Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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