if only i could text you this smell
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
