rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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