i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
