yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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