I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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