i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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