Screwed.edu
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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