no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
