The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
