dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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