My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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