There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
