chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
