is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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