he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
