my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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