You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
