she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
