I think my vagina is haunted
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
