plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
