so that wasnt chicken after all
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
