I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
