Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
