I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
