I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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