Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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