i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
