Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
