Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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