I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
