just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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