Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
