listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
